


Leather Clad Pudsey

by leahday



Series: Frocks [2]
Category: Robin Hood BBC
Genre: BBC, F/M, Fat - Freeform, Frocks, Humour, Leather, Nudity, Pudsey - Freeform, Robin Hood - Freeform, Royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-04
Updated: 2012-03-04
Packaged: 2017-11-01 02:39:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leahday/pseuds/leahday
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It all starts with Guy in a bath …</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leather Clad Pudsey

Leather Clad Pudsey

By Leah

Summary

It all starts with Guy in a bath …

Disclaimer

This is a sequel to “Frocks” and is extremely AU. Sort of set around series 3. Rated M for sexual content and slash references and Robin Hood bashing.   
I do not own Pudsey or Robin Hood. I do own the dogs Molly and Pete and Pudsey’s new friend.  
Dedicated to my Betas Alyssa and Ange and my dogs Pete and Molly.   
Fic is also dedicated to Angie’s puppy. 

Please note. There are fat jokes. If fat jokes offend you, please do not read.

Nottingham Castle, Guy’s castle chambers

Gisborne made an irritated face. He was making an irritated face, very handsome when irritated you should note, for he had to leave his rather pleasant bath an hour earlier then planned to go and attend to Vasey.  
Damn the sodding old bastard to Hell! Why did he always have to go trotting after that loathsome dwarf of a man? He had much better things to do with his time! Why couldn’t Allan do the nail polish bowl holding? The trotting and the flattering for a change?   
Oh, he forgot. Allan wasn’t pretty enough.  
‘I’m not pretty,’ Guy thought sourly. He rose from the tub and smirked as the water raced down his lean, pale body. “I’m a Fuckin stud!’  
The “Effin Stud” reached for a drying cloth only to be disappointed. There were no drying cloths left.  
“Allan!” Gisborne hissed. “The little git fart!”  
What next? Was Allan going to steal his horse because the wench he wanted to tumble would rather see him on a stallion rather then a gelding?  
Bloody Hell!  
Luckily, there were no servants around to ogle him. Guy always insisted on absolute privacy during his bath time. Then again, it was a little sad that they would not be able to see his amazing package and peaches as he emerged from the tub, dripping with lavender scented water.  
Guy’s mouth curled upwards.  
Damn he was well fit!

OoO

Oh no …. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nonononono.   
This time she had gone too far!

OoO

Roar!  
Whine!  
Grumble, rumble, grumble, whine mumble.  
Conniption.  
Another conniption.  
One more conniption with feeling.

OoO

“Please God tell me this is the sheriff’s idea of a sodding joke!” Gisborne bellowed all the while glaring hatefully at the reincarnated leather clad Pudsey sitting on his massive four-poster bed. This was not good! Not good whatsoever! That shitty little bear was back and the rest of his clothes were at Locksley!  
There was a loud grunt. Gisborne swung around to see a hairy grey, black, white and tan dog emerge from under his bed.  
“Pete!” he growled. “What the devil are you doing in my chamber?”  
Pete, Marian’s dog, gave another loud grunt and lay down on the floor, panting happily.  
“She was in here wasn’t she?” Guy sneered.  
Pete huffed.  
Gisborne snatched Pudsey and knelt down, holding the leather-wearing teddy in front of Pete’s black nose. The dog hooted softly and licked the yellow bear’s head.  
“No, this is not a chew toy!” Guy reprimanded. “Has Marian been in here at all?”  
Pete cocked his head to one side, moaned then rolled over onto his back, kicking his legs in the air.  
“Pete, I do not have time to rub your belly!” Guy rumbled, thoroughly annoyed.  
The dog of unidentified breed whined, staring at the man with huge brown eyes til Gisborne sighed heavily with defeat and reached out to rub Pete’s hairy tummy.   
The animal grunted happily, tongue lulling on the other side of his mouth.  
“Why can’t you bark like normal dogs?” Guy asked Pete, the fact that he was standing in the nuddy, save for a teddy bear covering his amazing Nottingham sausage, completely forgotten.  
Suddenly there was the loud yapping and growling of Guy’s worst enemy-No! Not runty Hood! It was Guy’s other worst enemy!  
“Molly! We can’t go in there!” came a frantic shriek.  
Guy did his infamous ‘Oh crap’ look and glared balefully at the doorway, also, out of sheer frustration, and because it made him look good, tossed his wet black hair and snorted like the fantastic stallion he was.  
Molly! Another one of Marian’s dogs. Molly was a little bitch who was loved by all but him. Even the sheriff loved her and the only animals the sheriff cared for were his birds and his horrid little horsey!  
The door of his chambers burst open and Marian and her little sour faced bitch of a dog burst into the chamber!   
Marian, panting heavily, skidded to a halt, lost her balance, and landed flat on her arse. Molly, who had managed to keep her balance, looked over her shoulder and snickered in only a way a little white and cream midget bitch like her could.   
Marian glared at the dog and was about to deliver a stern reprimand when something caught her eye.   
What had caught her eye was the most attractive pair of bare feet she had ever seen! The girl’s eyes travelled upwards and upwards until she identified the owner of the feet.   
It was Guy, and boy did he look pissed off, but in the manliest of ways of course. Funny. When Robin was mad he looked like an angry ferret. However, Guy, at this present moment, looked so good she almost wanted to … to …. Bad Marian! Bad, naughty Marian!  
“Marian,” Guy rumbled, breaking her dirty thoughts. “Any idea why I am holding a should be forever removed from our minds leather wearing Pudsey to my sausage?”  
Marian’s cheeks coloured. She dropped her head, trying her hardest not to look at the visage before her. Molly, on the other hand, at the mention of snags, got up on her hind legs and tottered over to Guy to see if she could have a quick nibble.  
“No Molly!” Marian snapped, cheeks now red as tomatoes.  
Molly growled her annoyance and sat next to Pete who seemed to be enjoying the whole spectacle. Molly couldn’t stand Pete enjoying the spectacle when she couldn’t so she bit him on the ear and barked at him to stop enjoying himself.  
“Explain!” Guy of Gisborne ordered, clutching Pudsey extra tight.  
“Um ….” Marian stammered.   
Guy raised an eyebrow.  
“Um what?”  
“Well Guy, I visited the wool store and saw some yellow wool,” the ancient maiden-nick name was from the sheriff-explained sheepishly. “I-I was reminded of Pudsey and-and … I-I … Oh Jesu! I miss Pudsey so much!”   
At that exact moment the girl started to bawl her eyes out. Her crying became so loud and passionate Molly and Pete began to howl along with her.  
“Woman!” Guy thundered, pointing a finger at her. “Your wailing will kill you and your meddlesome doggies!”  
Pete stopped in mid howl, giving Gisborne a look of absolute heart break.  
“Pete can live,” Guy said remembering Pete was not such a bad sort despite the fact the poor bugger couldn’t bark for shit.  
“I wanted to make an example of you!” Marian confessed miserably, her bosoms heaving within her exceptionally tight olive green bodice. “I knew you had left your other clothes at Locksley so I took your pants and doublet to make clothes for Pudsey the second!”   
She sniffed, whined then started to cry again.  
“Marrriiiaaannnn.”  
The poor noblewoman stopped crying and looked up at Guy who did not seem the least bit angry. In fact he was smiling like the cat that got the cream,  
“You want me to punish you … Don’t you?”  
Marian’s cheeks coloured again. She tried to speak but was at a loss for words.  
“You want a nice hard smack on that taut little derriere of yours, don’t you my little hot muffin of lust!”  
Marian’s mouth dropped open, her eyes bulged outwards.  
Gisborne grinned even more wolfishly.  
“You’re just a naughty little wench who plays the innocent, aren’t you, Maid Marian?” he growled.  
Marian clammed her gob shut. Her face became redder and redder.  
“Oh stop that, you’ll cark it on my rug,” Guy ordered, quickly tiring of Marian’s efforts to remain chaste and sweet.   
Marian unclamped her gob.  
“Tell you what,” Gisborne told her somewhat cheerfully once the maiden had finished gasping for air. “You’ve shown me your Pudsey; it’s only fair that I show you mine.”   
Saying that, Gisborne sauntered off to a trunk, leaving a clueless Marian on the floor with her mutts, returning later positively beaming with pride.   
In Gisborne’s bare hand was a Pudsey!   
This Pudsey was dressed identically to the reincarnated Pudsey, however, it wore a hot pink leather dress rather then a black doublet and breeches.  
“Made it myself,” Guy told Marian with a rare sweet smile.  
Marian’s heart melted.  
“Oh …. She’s beautiful!” she gushed.  
Molly turned her head the other way and sniffed disdainfully. She hated successful conclusions whilst Pete, on the other hand, wagged his tail because he loved successful conclusions.   
Molly, unable to stand the happiness anymore, decided it was time for drastic measures and bolted. Her departure was not noticed for Guy and Marian were lost in the awesome power of the sight of the pink Pudsey.

Outside Guy’s castle bedchamber

“GISBORNE?!”  
No answer.  
“Where is that oaf when I sodding well need him?” Vasey, the short yet sexy sheriff of Nottingham and one-day ruler of the world, wondered furiously as he did his power strut along the castle corridor.  
“If I don’t have someone trotting behind me with a bowl of black nail polish soon I shall feel very-Ah thank you Allan, you’ll do nicely!”  
“No probs Sher,” Guy’s squire replied cheerfully.  
“Sher?” Vasey muttered to himself. “Should I hang him for calling me that? Well at least he didn’t call me “Sher Bear” That would have been a hanging offence …. Unless Prince John or Gisborne had said it or …-”  
“Lo Sheriff!”  
“Bobbin!” the sheriff greeted joyfully. “Or should I say “Blobbin” You’ve put on weight!”  
Robin Hood sighed.  
“Everyone keeps saying that! I keep telling them it’s muscle.”  
“Awww diddums.” Allan sympathised.  
Robin glared at him.  
“Who said you could “Diddums” me?” he demanded.  
“He’s on the dark side now. He can “Diddums” whenever and whomever he likes,” Vasey pointed out.  
“Except Guy,” Allan said.  
“No, you wouldn’t want to diddums Guy,” Vasey agreed. “You know. I paid a man to diddums him just to see what would happen …. Wasn’t pretty.”  
“Wouldn’t want to diddums Maz either,” Allan added. “I did that and she-”  
“Oh no! no! Don’t continue that tale Allan! I think I was there!” Vasey protested. “Yes! I was there! Little Marian scared me so much she made me change my knickers-I mean my braise.”  
“Ahem!”  
“Yes care bear from Hell?” both men inquired in unison.  
Robin gave both men a glare that resembled an angry ferret then continued.  
“So … you’re not going to help me when I confront Gisborne for upsetting a wool shop woman?”  
Allan and the big V looked at each other and came to this conclusion.  
“Nah!”  
“But we’ll watch!” Vasey added.  
Robin was about to reply when he was interrupted.  
“Awww diddums!” a female voice cried.  
“Noooo! You cannot Diddums me!” a man's voice wailed in return. “You don’t love me!” the man continued. “You just want me for my body! Get away from me you harlot!”  
“Who the hell is that?” Allan asked Vasey who slapped a hand to his forehead and groaned.  
Trotting importantly toward the group of men was no other then Prince John. Following close behind was a rather pretty young woman with dark brown hair and large blue eyes.  
“Vasey how could you?” shrieked the flustered prince.  
“My prince?” the sheriff asked. “How could I …?”  
“I said I wanted a leper and you give me Gizzie’s baby sister! She doesn’t have any missing parts!”  
“Well I should jolly well hope not!” Gisborne’s baby sister quipped.  
“Gisborne has a little sister?” Robin exclaimed, ogling the ravishingly beautiful young woman. “Whoo hoo!”  
The prince spun around to look at Robin and then wrinkled his nose in disgust.  
“Who is this stinking tub of lard?”  
Robin flashed his trademark smile at the prince.  
“I am Robin Hood!” he declared, puffing out his chest. “Formerly known as Sir Robin of Locksley, earl of Huntington.”  
“Oh! Oh! You’re the one my brother used to write dirty stories about aren’t you?” Prince John exclaimed whilst bouncing up and down.  
Hoods face became a very fascinating shade of scarlet.  
“Eureka!” Vasey cried. “I knew I wasn’t the only one who did that!”  
“How did you know about those stories?” Robin ground out through clenched teeth. “You and Richard are bitter enemies! You never speak to each other. And what do you mean by used to?”  
“I have spies!” John declared, puffing out his chest, trying hard to make it stand out more then Robins. “I knew Dick was up to something Mummy wouldn’t have approved of so I sent some men over to see what he was up to and voila!” The prince clapped his hands with delight. “He burgles turds!”   
“Merde! That sounds positively frightful!” Guy’s little sister remarked making a face.  
Robin let his chest droop and dramatic music began to play.  
“Oh, and your replacement is … Oh bother! I’ve jolly well forgotten his name! Tell you what! Let me execute you! I’ll be able to remember who the unlucky blighter is the moment before you die! I’m famous for remembering important things before someone dies!”  
“Thanks, but no thanks, Princie boy! I need to live on!” Robin declared over dramatically then swaggered over to Isabella.  
“So what do they call you, toots?” he asked slyly.  
“Isabella,” the dark haired beauty replied coolly, batting her eyelashes.  
“Spanish or Italian?” Prince John cut in, shoving Robin out of the way.  
“My prince, you said I could no longer Diddums you,” Isabella told the royal gently. “Therefore, when you flirt with me, I daren’t flirt back.”  
The prince scratched his chin.  
“Diddums has something to do with flirting? That doesn’t really make much-Oh to Hell with it! I demand for you to Diddums me Isabella!”  
Isabella thought about this and sighed.  
‘Oh very well,’ she thought. “Giving a member of the royal family his diddums can’t hurt,’   
So without any further to do, the lovely Isabella threw her arms around John’s neck. Thrusting her head backwards, she yelled from the top of her lungs.  
“AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW DIDDUMS!”  
John whipt his head around, facing the three men and grinned saucily.  
“She really does love me!” he exclaimed.  
“Hells Bells,” Vasey grumbled under his breath.  
“Yep! Yep! Yep!”  
“Oh look!” Robin cried. “It’s Lassie!”  
“It’s not Lassie you tool! Lassie hasn’t been born yet!” Allan yelled. “It’s Molly, the dog Guy brought for Marian from the Nottingham Pound.”  
Robin scowled.  
“Is he angry or is he going to break wind?” Prince John asked Isabella who was mentally asking herself the same question.  
“Gisborne brought Marian a dog?” Hood seethed. “I thought she was more of a cat person.”  
Whilst Robin was, rather slowly, realising that he had lost Marian to Guy for good, Molly was trying her best to not rip everyone’s throats out.  
God, it was so hard being a human in a dog’s body. Yes, a human in a dog’s body. Once upon a time, Molly was a fair maiden called Lady Millicent. One day she refused to snog a toad of a nobleman thus getting his dear mother very cross and ordering the local witch to turn her into a much bitchier being then she was before her transformation!   
What was worse, her little brother, Sir Benjamin, now simply known as Pete the wonder dog, had been turned into a flippin dog just for the sake of turning nobles into flippin dogs!  
Molly huffed her displeasure and stood on her hind legs, tottering toward the heavy oak door leading to Guy’s chamber.  
“What a cute little scamp she is!” Isabella cooed.  
“Can you call a bitch a scamp?” Vasey whispered to Allan who shrugged.  
Molly growled in frustration, returned to her normal position and jumped against the door, barking urgently.  
“Well blister me tripe’s! I do declare the wee doggie wants us to follow her!” declared Prince John.  
“Into my brother’s private chamber?” Isabella asked sceptically.  
“You don’t have to come,” John told her.  
Isabella compressed her lips, thinking very hard. Before Vasey could chuck a wobbly about women and their hard thinking, she decided she would join them.

Inside Guy’s Castle bed chamber

“Oh this is so exciting!” cried Prince John, face a mixture of seriousness and, curiously enough, over excitement.   
How a man could have such a face, Vasey, Allan, Robin, Molly and Isabella would never know.  
Far too excited to knock, the prince flung open the door and swaggered into the chamber. At that precise moment, dear princie boy received one of the biggest shocks of his life.   
There was no one in the chamber.  
“Where is everyone?” John whined when over his big shock.  
“We’re in here!” Guy called from behind his changing screen, making Allan jump.  
“What are you doing in there, Gisborne?” Vasey moaned, smacking a hand to his forehead.  
“Pete weed on Guy’s chamber floor, my lord sheriff,” Marian, also behind the curtain, called, hence making Allan jump again. “I needed to change my dress because I had slipt in his wee. Guy was-”  
“I don’t think you need to go into that much detail, Marian,” Guy grumbled.  
“Oh. Sorry Guy.”

OoO

“What the devil’s taking them so long?” Vasey grumbled half an hour later.  
“Sorry!” Marian apologised. “We’ve got a little-ow-problem here.”  
“And it’s very dark!” Guy added.  
Robin pouted and flopped onto a chair, drumming his fingers on a wooden table beside him.  
“Stink bomb Hoodie boy had better not be sitting in my favourite chair!” Guy bellowed from behind the screen.  
“Never mind blubber boy, Gisborne! Hurry up and get dressed!” Vasey roared.  
“Oi! For the last time it’s not blubber! It’s muscle!” Robin protested hotly.  
“It’s blubber, Robin,” Marian corrected. “Sad but true. Better stop deluding yourself and do some actual robbing of the rich for a change.”  
“Also, if you eat your vegies you’ll grow up big and strong!” Allan added and accompanied his taunt with a snicker Guy had taught him.  
“I’m already grown up!” Robin shrieked.  
“Really? I thought you were a juvenile delinquent,” Vasey sneered.  
Before Robin could reply, Prince John uttered a rather girly shriek of joy for Isabella had regained consciousness. You see, the poor dear, she had fainted from the stench of doggie wee.  
“Are they dressed yet?” the woman moaned.  
Prince John looked over his shoulder.  
“Are you two dressed yet?” he called.  
“Not … Ow! Not exactly my prince!” Guy replied.  
“Oh hurry up! Do!” Vasey implored.  
“But we-”  
“I … said … hurry up!” Vasey roared.  
“Oh very well!”  
With much hesitation, Guy and Marian came out and Prince John, once again, got the biggest shock of his life.  
“Oh my god!”  
“Mon dieu!”  
“Not being funny, but why do you have a tat that says “Get it here” on your left arse cheek Maz? Shouldn’t you have it on your-”  
“GISBORNE!”  
The man and his lovely guest had decided, for a bit of fun, to abandon the changing screen by walking backwards, therefore everyone could see their spectacular bare buttocks.  
“Turn around at once!” Vasey barked!  
“But-”  
“I said turn around at once!”  
Slowly Marian and Guy turned to face their audience. They had hidden their man and lady boobs with their right arm and hands. However … This was so much more interesting. Hiding the private areas between their legs were Pudsies.   
A girl Pudsey on Guy and a boy Pudsey on Marian.  
“By god!” Prince John exclaimed.  
“You’re … you’re,” Allan stammered.  
“Naked!” Robin finished.  
“I think I am going to have a stroke,” Vasey moaned.  
“Well, actually we’re wearing Pudsies,” Marian corrected then she realised the prince was gaping at her and curtsied.   
“How Giz ended up with the girl Pudsey I’ll never know,” Allan said in wonder.  
“Same here,” Isabella agreed then swooned from the shock, landing, rather coincidently, on Guy’s bed.  
“WAAAAAHHHHH! I have no one to diddums me now!” sobbed Prince John hysterically. “She’ll be out cold for hours! I know she will because I’m so super! WAAAAAHHH!!! Nudity is so wrong!”  
“We’d better fix that,” Guy said to Marian. “Our nudity. Not my sister’s fainting fits. I quite like her fainting fits, very dramatic.”  
“Yes … We seem to be upsetting the prince,” Marian agreed.   
“And me!” Vasey and Robin added angrily and in perfect unison.  
“I don’t have a problem,” Allan said cheerfully, earning a dark look from the short mega powerful sheriff of Nottinghamshire and one-day ruler of the world.  
“Better go and hide till someone can bring us some clothes,” Guy muttered.  
“Yes you’d jolly well better!” Prince John barked whilst trying to tickle Isabella awake.  
“Get out of it Molly!” Gisborne growled at the little white and cream doggie who had been sitting at the entrance of the changing screen.  
Instead of growling back at him, Molly was all too happy to oblige and trotted off to sit on the bed with the prince and Isabella.  
“Marian, where did you put that-WHOA SHIIIIIITTTTT!”  
Guy fell backwards, landing on Marian who landed on Allan who landed in Robin’s lap, thus breaking Guys favourite chair.   
Last, but not least, Guy’s girl Pudsey flew through the air, landing on Pete who grabbed it and ran away.  
Vasey, fed up beyond comprehension, stormed out of the chamber muttering something about infidels and lepers under his breath.  
“Ohhh! Sher Bear! Wait for me!” John exclaimed, scooping the still out cold Izzie into his arms. “I think I shall have to make nuddy time illegal! What do you think Sherry dearest?”  
“Oh gawd! Isabella please wake up and bang him hard I beg you!” Vasey pleaded mentally.

OoO

As soon as Guy had gotten to his feet, he helped Marian, who helped Allan who burst out laughing when he saw Robin now lying unconscious on the floor amidst pieces of shattered chair.  
“Shit a brick!” Guy roared. “I lose my clothes and my chair! For what?”  
Marian smiled and put a hand on his shoulder.  
“Calm down my darling. Everything will be alright.”  
Guy sniffed.  
Marian smiled again then turned to Guy’s squire.  
“Allan, get Robin out of here then have servants prepare a nice, big hot bath for me and my betrothed. Oh, and we’ll need someone to bring us some new clothes as well.”  
“Righto. Hang on. Did you just say what I think you said?”   
Gisborne stared at Marian in shock.  
“You want to marry me?” he asked.  
Marian grinned.  
“Mmm hmmm. Let’s just say that dear Pudsey and our little ….” Marian stopped, blushing at the memory of their short, but rather splendid-No, make that bloody fantastic-shag session behind Guy’s change screen.   
“Marian … Don’t keep me waiting.”  
“Ummm. Well that thing we did before the big commotion sort of steered me into a new direction,” she finished, blushing even more furiously then ever.   
Gisborne grinned.  
“I am one fucking hot bloke!’ he thought smugly and gave Maz a kiss with a lot of tongue involved.  
“Righto fat arse. Let me get the wheel barrow and we’ll take you back to Sherwood where you belong,” Allan said to the now snoring Robin Hood.  
Molly leapt off the bed and scampered over to where boy Pudsey lay forgotten on the floor.   
Giving the snogging couple a disdainful look, Molly picked up the harmless bear in leather and ran away.

The End

Authors note.

Well this was fun. It was meant to be a lot shorter but I sort of …. I spiralled out of control!!!!   
The dogs, Molly and Pete are real. They are my babies! Their attitudes are real as well. Pete cannot bark and likes to urinate everywhere and Molly is, slightly, a sadistic, disapproving bitch.  
About the fat gags.   
These were added mainly because RH seemed a bit tubby during the beginning of the third season whilst the others looked quite good.   
I am not making fun of Jonas. I am making fun of Robin.


End file.
